Practice, Exercise, Sacrifice, and Abundance

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." (Matt. 16:25)

"I say unto you, my brethren, that if you should render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you, and has kept and preserved you, and has caused that ye should rejoice, and has granted that ye should live in peace one with another—
"I say unto you that if ye should serve him who has created you from the beginning, and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another—I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants." (Mosiah 2:20-21)


There are countless other verses like these in the scriptures, all pointing to the completeness of what the Lord asks of each of us. The sheer magnitude of these verses is overwhelming. Couple that with our inherent laziness, and you've got yourself enough guilt ammunition to last a thousand lifetimes.

I've looked at these verses dozens of times, each time wondering how I could ever come to do what is asked. My own nature leans me toward absolutism, forcing my mind into a destructive all-or-nothing mentality. I can tell you that nothing could be more detrimental to doing what is asked of us.

I woke up the other morning like I do most mornings, fighting myself over whether I would go to the gym or not. I lay in bed weighing the pros and cons, and the cons were looking to take yet another easy victory. I thought to myself that just a little more sleep at nights would make the difference I needed to get the energy to go and exercise in the morning. Such thinking has been my crutch for a while, and living with a wife that has been transforming me into a night owl like herself, I find it easier and easier to justify my not exercising in the mornings like I need to.

But I couldn't shake the question of how I was ever going to break the cycle. I'm in a daily energy decline, with the only end to this drought being my eventual and early death. Yeah, real positive stuff.

And then it dawned on me.

There are some pretty basic and eternal principles at play that reach across matter, time, and space. In physics, chemistry, and biology, it takes energy to make energy. Cellular respiration burns energy to make more energy. The tearing of muscle fibers makes more muscle. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. Etc, etc.

OK, I know that is pretty much a no-brainer, but it was interesting to have that hit me the way it did. If I wanted energy I needed to spend energy, and I needed to do so wisely. I've been in this position before—under-active and under-motivated—and then gone gung-ho, overstepped my limits (severely), and ended up more sore and wasted than before. Typically that leads to my swearing off physical activity for even more extended periods of time, thus deepening the vicious cycle.

As I got out of bed to go to the gym, I kept pondering on this principle of spending energy to gain energy. I was reminded of the spiritual doctrines and principles that go along with it. The nice thing about truth is that it usually pops up in more than one place. I thought on the parable of the talents and how the wise and profitable servants went and increased their talents by using them, while the unprofitable servant buried his; and in doing so had it taken away and given to the servant with 10 talents.

I've always found that part of the story interesting. Why did that servant get the extra talent? Why didn't the man just give it to a different servant and give him the chance to prove himself?

The answer is based in the principle of abundance. "…unto every one which hath shall be given; and from him that hath not, even that he hath shall be taken away from him." (Luke 19:26)

The Lord gives more unto those that have proven themselves worthy, not because he loves them more than the unprofitable servant. He gives more abundantly to those that generously impart of all their gifts and substance than to those that fearfully or selfishly cling to that which they have and impart not thereof. That is a key principle.

I also thought about the doctrines of sacrifice, obedience, and consecration and their direct tie with these principles. Energy, talents, and abundance do not come easily, nor are they meant to come immediately upon asking or doing. Each is meant to take time, even lifetimes to achieve. But that is the point. If bodybuilding was easy it wouldn't be valued. If faith, hope, and charity were easy we wouldn't be commanded at every turn to cultivate them.

Just as it takes years of practice to become great, or in some cases even just good, at some sports, it takes years of practice and doing to become good at being a disciple of Christ. Also, just as we aren't able or expected to become great at all things (we can't all be Michael Jordan, Pele, or Picasso), we aren't expected to become perfect in all gospel principles in this life. But, we are expected to try.

Just as diversity of activity, study, and interests are important to balance and well roundedness, so is diversity essential to gospel living. Each of us has been given specific talents and gifts, and those we have the unique opportunity to hone and perfect. But a one or two note song doesn't compare to the beauty of a full symphony. Just as our own lives are meant to become a symphony of characteristics and abilities, so is the Church meant to become the greatest synthesis of symphonic harmonies under heaven where all come and contribute of their gifts and special talents.

I could go on more, but I believe that this is more than sufficient to relay what I was pondering the other morning. What it has done for me is provided me with a much needed improvement in perspective. I now look at growing in the gospel, and in lots of other things, as a long-term commitment to becoming more than I could have ever hoped otherwise. I look forward to the process now almost as much as I do the end result. That, in and of itself, is a great accomplishment for me.

My Every Reason

I've sat here at my computer for the past half hour trying to come up with an eloquent way to tell my beautiful Kristen just how much I love her – and I'm literally at a loss for words.

For those of you that know me at all, that almost never happens. You may now stop snickering… that means you Jenny.

All joking aside, I want to tell you, Krissy, that I love you more than life itself. You mean everything to me. You're every love song, every beautiful poem, every smile, every happiness, every reason for living that I have.

I've got a lot to overcome to be worthy of you. I know that day is coming much sooner because of you.

You have made 2008 the most amazing year of my life. I only hope to make 2009 just as good for you. I love you!

The Greatest Gift

I wish that it wasn't almost midnight so I could spend the kind of time on this topic that I want, but I just couldn't go any longer without getting this out there.

I've always known that the greatest thing to ever exist is Jesus Christ. His birth, life, atonement, death, and resurrection are just a microscopic blip of time in the grand scheme of things, but they are the crux of everything that is good in this world. I definitely stand "all amazed at the love Jesus offers me."

And yet, as I sit pondering on my experiences during the past few weeks and months, I find myself feeling more blessed than before. I know that it is because of my Savior, but that hasn't stopped me from wondering what about these feelings and experiences is so different—so all-encompassing.

When contemplating the majesty that is Christ Jesus, it's hard to pinpoint just one gift or blessing as being the ultimate or sine qua non of His life and doings. The knee jerk response is typically The Atonement, as well it probably should be – for without which we would be lost forever.

But as I've been thinking about the atonement and what makes it so special, I've settled on one key gift that stands out to me like a desert oasis. The Savior himself said it best, and so I quote His words as found in the Gospel of John:

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. (John 14:27)


And again to Oliver Cowdery, "Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?" (D&C 6:23)

Peace is everything. It is what this world lacks. It is what comes to the mind and heart of an individual who truly repents and learns their status with God. It is the sweetest fruit of the atonement. Knowing that we will not only live with God again in glory and love, but that we can have joy and love now because of the atonement brings a peace that cannot be described.

Peace is what is first to leave us when we sin. Peace is the most treasured of gifts because it is the one thing that cannot be obtained by our works alone, but is a product of our faith and the grace of God. That is why it is possible to have even in times when all around us is chaos.

I know that I am doing all I can with what I have when I am blessed with peace. That is a gift that I've been missing far too often in recent years, and one that I'm so thankful to be experiencing again right now.

Kids These Days

I gotta say that I was scared by, and yet sadly identified with the article I just read on teens and honesty. It looks as though good old-fashioned integrity is going the way of the dinosaur.

If corporate executives are already comfortable cooking the books and tanking their companies just so they can max out their personal bonuses, what are the kids of the future going to stoop to?

Random

This post is not in character with my typical style, but I was thoroughly taken aback by something yesterday and need to blog about it.

I've been a victim of a random act of the unexpected—the painfully unexpected. Let me put this into perspective…

When you repeat something over and over again and get the same result every time, it seems logical that you could expect that pattern to continue without interruption. For me, that expectation was with my microwave. I put in a mug of water, I push the button for the exact amount of time I always do, and I get out a perfectly warmed mug of water ready for hot chocolate.

Though there are a couple of variables that could adversely affect the expected outcome (initial water temperature, type of mug, etc), once these variables have been accounted for, the outcome should be a no-brainer—especially when the EXACT procedure was performed just hours earlier.

Not so, apparently.

So, I go and get my mug, my water, set the time, and start the microwave with the anticipation of enjoying a delicious mint chocolate beverage. The microwave magically warms the water over a period of a minute or so, and then beeps its customary beep to alert me that I'm just seconds away from liquid chocolate bliss. That's when things went terribly wrong.

I nonchalantly reached in, wrapped my index finger around the mug handle, and milliseconds later jerked my already blistering finger away from the mug in a yelp of pain. The thought of cursing briefly crossed my mind, but was instantly replaced by throbbing pain.

I ran my fingers under cool water for quite some time, all-the-while wondering what had just happened. I've touched hot mugs before, but never a hot mug handle. I can guarantee that none were ever as overwhelmingly hot as this one. It was like I had wrapped my finger around the heating element of my oven. I've got the blisters to prove it!

What did happen? Was my microwave malfunctioning? Was the mug somehow harboring ill will against me? Was there some previously undiscovered metal in the mug that never manifested itself? WHAT?

I know, this is not that big a deal, but I got burned and I didn't deserve it!

There, I've said my piece. If anyone has a good explanation for what happened, I've got a finger that is looking for answers (and retribution…).

I've Been Tagged (Seriously)

So, of all the people who could have tagged me (my wife, Jenny, ...) I got tagged by an old co-worker and friend, Jonathan. So, as is part of this tag, here are 6 weird and random things about me.

The rules are:

* Link to the person who tagged you
* Post the rules on your blog
* Write six random things/unspectacular quirks about yourself
* Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them
* Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog
* Let the tagger know when your entry is posted

6 Weird things about myself, in no particular order:

1. I am a huge fan of the Twilight series (yes, I said Twilight!)
2. I'm a total metrosexual
3. I never thought I would turn out to be such a computer geek (though I was already a huge "regular" geek to begin with)
4. I wanted to be Michael Jackson growing up, that is until I realized that he was a complete freak show and perv. I've really questioned my ability to pick role models since that time...
5. I love exotic and strange foods
6. I'm a salt-aholic, among others


Tag! You're it....

Kristen
Jenny
Angel
Chris
Jason
Kendra

Being Right: The Real American Way

I have had a bit of a change of heart since last Tuesday's landslide election, at least regarding my post entitled Prophetic Guidance for Our Uncertain Times. In fact, I feel rather sheepish that I would condescend to post something so incendiary without fully familiarizing myself with the totality of what it really means. That exact behavior is what I find irresponsible of others, and I try to avoid it as often as possible. So much for practicing what I preach.

There are a few glaring problems in what then Elder Ezra T. Benson said that I was all too eager to either ignore or forgive because of who he became. I was given understanding by an anonymous blogger that shared this link with me: http://thefaithfuldissident.blogspot.com/2008/10/ezra-taft-benson-vs-democratic.html.

If you have the time to read through that post I recommend doing so, if for no other reason than to keep your mind and intentions open and honest. Humility is already difficult to come by in our prideful society, but intellectual humility is almost nonexistent. The American way, or almost anyone else's way in this world for that matter, is being right and doing all within our power to assert that rightness. What dangerous and petty grounds we defend when we impose our ideas and ideals on others!

To sum this up, I still have my convictions that a conservative, limited-role government is the best way to maintain our hard-fought freedoms. I still have my reservations about what Pres. Obama will/won't do during the next 4 years. But I refuse to be a part of the bandwagon of president bashing that has destroyed our country's morale, divided our resolve, and tarnished the legacy of courage and service that George Bush has tried to build during his tenure—and which bashing is already being hurled at President Elect Obama, and he hasn't even done anything yet!

Do I fundamentally disagree with many leftist policies? YES. Will I do my part to make sure my voice is heard when I agree/disagree with certain legislation? YES. Will I support our president as he tries to lead this country as he feels is best? YES. If any of you doubt my reasons for doing so, I simply ask you to take a look at the 12th Article of Faith. Until the Lord reigns on earth, this is my duty.

A Big, Yet Scary, Duh

Study: Sex on TV linked to teen pregnancies

I have to post this link because I am both smugly amused that popular news has condescended to post this story, as well as privately embarrassed that Kristen and I are both consumers of one of the sitcoms mentioned (Friends).

Kristen, I think it's time that we re-evaluate our TV viewing habits.

Prophetic Guidance for Our Uncertain Times

There are times when I forget just how true the Church is, and just how inspired our prophets are. I thank God for reminders like the one I just received, and which I quote below.

I came across this link on Facebook that one of my friends shared. I quote below from The Dimmick's blog, with a link to the original article.

"This talk was given by Ezra Taft Benson in 1977. Then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles then later becoming Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, he warns us of socialism sneaking into our government. He warns about redistribution of wealth and socializing health care. He warns that “they pull down what is above and they never raise what is below.” “You are not here to be a parasite or a freeloader. The price you pay for something for nothing may be more than you can afford.” It is broken up into two parts."

Part 1 of 2



Part 2 of 2



"The full text of this speech can be found here."

http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=6162 starting at the sub-title “Socialism–a Philosophy Incompatible with Man’s Liberty”.

As a Little Child

Some things are true. Others are undeniable.

I have been blessed today in several instances to see, hear, feel, and participate in the wonder that is the pure love and spirit of children. From the beautiful primary program our ward put on today, to the powerful spirit of a special boy on Extreme Makeover, Home Edition, to the love and laughter of my own amazing children, I have been deeply touched. It is this wonder that prompted the Master to exclaim, "…whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God."

I found that when I'm around these wonderful children that I am my best self, and I want to be a better person for them. There is just something amazing about the promise that is in each of their eyes and the innocence and love they express in their being.

I would be a fool if I didn't thank my beautiful wife Kristen for her love and sacrifice to bring our two beautiful, wonderful kids into this world. She is my hope, and my guiding light through personal wildernesses. I love you. Thank you for giving me joy beyond words.

Priorities: The True Measure of Devotion

Lately I've been compelled to take a hard look at my priorities. That statement alone is a dead giveaway that they were/are out of whack. Yet another example of my continued hypocrisy and duplicitous lifestyle.

I have slowly been gathering my thoughts about where my priorities are and why, along with how well they match up with what I know in my heart to be right. Actually, comparing the two hasn't been the slow part. I know where I stand. It's coming to grips with just how much I need to change that is taking time. The adage that you can't teach an old dog new tricks is much more applicable than I expected it to be, and I'm not even in my 30s yet!

Although, I bet that if I could at least do what I was told then my wife would be a much happier person. I'm basically an obedience school drop out.

Anyway, the heart of what I'm getting at has actually been repeated to me several times today in various forms. I take that as being the Lord's way of saying, "I'd use a 2x4 if I could, so take the hint!" This frequent theme can be found first in Exodus 20, and then repeated throughout scripture and modern revelation. It is the first and great commandment God gave to Moses, "Thou shalt have no other gods before me." (Exodus 20:3)

The living Christ reiterated and magnified this commandment when he said,

"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

"And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31)


As I've pondered over these verses and the various repetitions thereof today, I've recognized that one of the most prominent indicators of true love is devotion. This is definitely the case when considering what loving God entails, especially as the qualifiers of "all thy heart… soul… mind… and [] strength," are concerned.

True devotion requires the careful arranging of priorities so that the kind of time and service inherent in fulfilling the definition of devotion can be met.

The sad truth for me is that I can only say that I show true devotion to one person – yours truly. My priorities give me away in embarrassing fashion. And I'm not just saying this because I'm trying to appear humble or modest. Kristen would be able to confirm the antithesis of both qualities to be my most common traits.

I'm confident that none of the principles I've covered in this post are new to anyone. They just feel new to me because I'm seeing myself through a new perspective. I am in definite need of deciding now who it is that I'm going to be devoted to, and then making the needed adjustments.

Kristen, I'm beginning to understand now what you've been asking for for so long now. I only hope to be able to give you what you deserve in time. I know Heavenly Father is waiting for the same from me too.

A Living Prophet

Like many of you, I am profoundly aware of the precariousness of our country's economic situation. Things are not going well, and with more (and worse) financial failures upon us than during the Great Depression we are faced with great risk and constant uncertainty.

As I read through more of the news about our world economy, I was reminded of an article written by President Gordon B. Hinckley titled "The Times in Which We Live," published in the January issue of the 2002 Ensign. I remember reading his words heavily laden with the weight of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. I remember hearing them during different conference addresses.

Most specifically I remember these words:

"I do not know what the future holds. I do not wish to sound negative, but I wish to remind you of the warnings of scripture and the teachings of the prophets which we have had constantly before us.

"I cannot forget the great lesson of Pharaoh’s dream of the fat and lean kine and of the full and withered stalks of corn."


As I reflected back on these words and many others in that article, I recognized my own complacency and deep need for change. I had my testimony of the need for a living prophet strengthened. I felt the power of eternal truth.

"[I] thank thee, O God, for a prophet," for without whom I would be in the darkest abyss. I'm already in need of rescue from my own selfish chasm as it is, let alone be left without the light of the restored gospel.

Big Changes... Well, Sort Of

Nobody panic! You are, in fact, still reading my blog that was previously found at www.onegreatwhole.blogspot.com. I've simply made some fancy-schmancy (not really) changes to it that now allow me to post my blog to the URL I initially intended. It's nice having a Blogspot URL and all, but I like keeping things as simple as possible.

So, now I've got a little more updating to do. As you can see, I've switched back to a basic template to better be able to publish content, and I've lost a few of the features I used to have. No worries, I'll be updating this soon with a new look and feel just as soon as I get the time chance (don't hold your breath).

Thanks for reading, stay tuned, and don't freak out if things decide to change yet again. j/k

You Know Something Matters When...

I admit that I'm not a very religious blogger, as is evidenced by my sporadic posts and almost non-existent readership (excluding my few and faithful friends – thanks guys!).

So, I find it almost comical when, after several consecutive posts of nearly no traffic at all, I get 6 comments on my latest post within a matter of a day or two. And by comical, I mean mind boggling.

For any of you that are still gasping for air as you recover from laughing at my astonishment over 6 comments, I hope you all pass out. (devilish laugh…)

What this all means to me is that if I want my popularity on the web to grow I should keep writing more polarizing posts (j/k).

In many ways I am beginning to feel like my good friend Jeff V., who so effectively summed things up with, "I [] am just so sick of politics." This is a growing feeling among many, and yet I'm concerned that such frustration is less a result of people not caring about the political landscape anymore and more a result of not knowing how to make a real difference.

Granted, you can follow the advice of our current presidential candidates and get involved in local government, volunteer in your community, and other related activities to try and influence politics. But I believe the real issue is not just our lack of involvement, but a feeling of helplessness at being able to reverse the last 50 years of post WWII policy and politics. Since I'm already going way beyond my initial intentions of this blog to stay as clear as possible from politics, I won't spend the time needed to outline my thoughts on WWII politics. (I know, such a sad loss…)

I do appreciate a discussion I had with Chris Rock after reading his comment on my previous post. We talked about how the differences of belief each of us hold about people, government, social issues, and everything else in between is what has given rise to a fairly polarized political atmosphere. My comment on how Hollywood's perceived endorsement of Sen. Obama should make you want to run in the opposite direction is a direct reflection of these differences.

I do not question Mr. Obama's morals, personal character, or ability to lead the country as a result of Hollywood endorsements. What I run from are the general ideals and values that are held by the extreme left, to which Sen. Obama's voting record will attest he belongs. That is what I believe Hollywood and the liberal media are endorsing. That is what I dislike based upon my personal value systems and beliefs about people and the roles of government. That is not to say that I'm proportionally enamored with the doctrines of the right, just that I personally identify better with more of them than the left.

If for nothing else, I would rather put a cranky, old, creepy Bush wannabe in the White House because of the type of people he would appoint to the Supreme Court. The only way John McCain could convince me to vote otherwise is if his yet-to-be-revealed policies are a disastrous step in the wrong direction.

And that's all folks. My politicking is done. (You can all shout for joy now, it will only hurt my feelings a little bit.) :)

What To Do When Hollywood Endorses a Political Candidate

It's simple really.

VOTE FOR THE OTHER GUY!

You may not be McCain fans, and I know that I'm not, but I just happened to watch a small part of Russell Brand's monologue opening the 2008 VMAs (I know, what was I thinking), and I was appalled. I won't even give a link to it because of how crass and crude it was. I'm embarrassed to have watched a small part of it. Then to have him endorse Barack Obama for president to cheers of ecstasy was about all I could take.

I'm not saying that a vote for Obama is a vote for evil or something melodramatic like that. I'm just VERY concerned that he gets the heavy endorsement of the world's leading body of propagandized amorality (Hollywood). I seem to recall several scriptures that warn of such occurrences, each accompanied by the same admonition to choose the opposition to such endorsements.

Man I would love to see how Captain Moroni would have reacted to this stuff.

Curve Balls and Back Doors

Heavenly Father has got to have one crazy sense of humor. It's either that, or I'm just a complete goon that has yet to wake up and smell the sulfur. One thing's for sure; I definitely like the spiritual climate a lot better when I'm not surrounded by pitch forks.

I do think that Father has plenty of good laughs because of us, or at least he does me. I don't mean that cynically or disrespectfully. I look at my kids and have to laugh at their persistence in failure—not because I'm completely mental, but because I know that they're going to figure things out soon enough. The last thing they need from me is constant butting in to try and fix things (even though that is what I usually do). They need love, instruction, patience, and a kind listening ear.

That is my "duh" moment for the day (or life time). All these years of wondering why none of my life plans have panned out in the ways that I had hoped was simply time wasted on self pity and fear. The reality is that Father has been silently rolling his eyes and waiting for me to get with the program. Thankfully his understanding of my needs is perfect. With every perceived curve ball life has thrown at me, he has opened up back doors to the blessings that were always there waiting for me as long as I remained faithful.

My problem has been the procrastination of being worthy enough to receive all these blessings, hence the need for more back doors. I just hope that I don't push my luck too far and turn heavenly chuckles at my idiocy into a valid lament for my soul. Definitely not something I want to merit, ever.

So, some of the really cool back doors that have opened up for me lately are what have caused me to wax sarcastic with myself and paint such a tongue-in-cheek picture of Heavenly Father's character. I quote Inigo from the Princess Bride when he said to Wesley, "Let me 'splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up…"

First, my major sob story of the last 3+ years has finally (I know!) started its way to resolution. After receiving inspiration from a good old friend (thanks Levy) that got me thinking about my career options in a new light, I've seen why the Lord turned me from my initial courses of Psychology and teaching seminary to where I currently stand. And I've gained insight into what I can do incorporate my passions with my stewardships (provider, husband, father, etc) without having to have some magical right answer for everything. Sure the Lord cares about what I do, but in my case he wants me to stop setting limitations on what I will/can do and instead focus on the why, who, and how. Though I may have already figured that one out a while ago, I have a hard time applying what I know. Thankfully I have a new focus and determination that have me excited about the future and life's possibilities.

Second, on Saturday I had the distinct and immense pleasure of running into a wonderful old friend from my favorite mission city of Divinopolis, MG, Brazil. Ana Paula Evangelista and her family were some of the sweetest people that I had the pleasure of knowing on my mission. Unfortunately, like most everyone from my mission, I've been completely terrible at maintaining contact. As she called my name from behind me as I was going up the escalators at the Gateway Mall in SLC, I looked back and saw her standing at the bottom waving to me. I've never had the chance to run against an escalator before (it's kinda hard), but I didn't even hesitate to do so as I recognized her face. We embraced for the first time (missionaries can only shake girl's hands) and just laughed for joy. I seriously never thought that I would see her or her sisters again, not to mention ever get to hug them. It was perfect! Now I'm back in contact with all of them and can't wait to catch up with them and how life has treated them these past years. Such a sweet reunion and a most wonderful blessing from a loving Father.

The Lord really does move in mysterious ways. Be it a twist of fate, a chance meeting, a passing thought, or complete serendipity, miracle is still the only word that adequately describes it all.

All I Have to Say is "WOW"

I was quite taken aback by this blog post on www.livestrong.com. Based on the findings of the Japanese scientist in this awesome article, I've got some serious mental/emotional reprogramming to do! This is definitely worth the read, and re-read. Very thought provoking.

http://www.livestrong.com/...

Down on the Upside

I've been stuck not knowing how to describe how I've been feeling as of late, so I thought I would steal the title of Soundgarden's final studio album as my closest approximation. Besides the fact that I enjoy much of Soundgarden's musical repertoire, "down on the upside" is where I hope I've come to in this current phase of my life.

My apologies if this sounds depressing or out of character to some. All of us go through waves of good times and bad. I just happen to be a little more of a music geek, making it quite second nature for me to interject various song titles and/or lyrics as descriptions of my state-of-being.

So, for the very few of you that actually read my blog (hooray for Kristen and Jenny!), here's what I mean by down on the upside. I'm hoping that I've finally reached the bottom of my most recent frustrations with myself and life, and that I'm now looking upside the next climb in front of me. It's better to be at the bottom of the hill and looking up than still near the halfway point of a painful fall.

My apologies for that slightly melodramatic explanation.

In all seriousness, I'm frustrated by my own hypocrisy right now. Being your own worst enemy becomes very tiresome and laborious. I look back at my first few posts—filled mostly with insight, hope and purpose—and shudder to think that I'm so not that person right now. I tend to be skilled at summarizing truths within a fairly interesting point of view, but I'm terrible at putting my money where my mouth is. I really hate being a "do as I say, not as I do," kind of guy.

I sincerely appreciate the words of advice and encouragement that I've received from several of you about my post Stuck in Limbo, and Not Alone. Kudos to Jenny for winning the home-cooked, gourmet meal made by me award. Too bad you live in Cedar City. :) But I think that I'm going to reach out to you faithful few readers again and beg your thoughts on how you brush yourselves off after a painful fall. I won't promise another meal, though. My food budget is already shot after trying to feed my monster-of-a-15-month-old son.

Please - I'm tired of being a hypocrite.

Just Because

There are some things in life that are best done based off of detailed, strategic plans. Waking up one morning and deciding, "I want to be the next Google," is not something that will likely come to fruition just because you want it to. I won't even begin to go into the insanity of what it would take to compete directly with Google – besides, this post isn't even about marketing or business (I know… thank goodness).

There is something interesting, though, about the phrase "just because." Lately I have brooding over my reasons for doing certain things and trying to find the motivation to put my head down and go for it. Looking even deeper into my life and personality, I can quickly identify that this striving to have the best possible answer—and thus the best possible motivation (right?)—is how I have both justified myself in doing and NOT doing certain things. Before fairly recently, I never stopped to think about what that actually means to be so cavalier with my reasons for doing what I do.

Granted, it is important to have convictions of certain things in life and to allow those convictions drive you to positive ends. But is it so important to have a reason for everything? Maybe eventually, but not today.

"Just because" is what I have discredited or even ignored throughout my life because of it's assumed wistfulness and lack of direction. The reality is that I couldn't be further from the truth. If every one of us gave up doing all of the good things we do in life that didn't have some deep, thought-out motivation, can you imagine how selfish and lonely this world would be?

Doing the dishes for my wife just because I love her is a far better reason for doing them than determining that I will enjoy a happier marriage, at least for a few hours, than if I were not to do them. In that light, just because becomes that caring and more selfless part of my nature. Just because doesn't have to be persuaded or compelled to act. Just because is that piece of ourselves that ends up making the greatest difference to someone else.

I have my doubts and concerns about life, what I believe in and why I believe the way I do, but so does most everyone else. What I have done way too much of is allow those doubts to rationalize away my doing good just because. I guess then that I have some work to do to get back on track and start doing what is right and good just because it is right and good – no matter what I believe.

Stuck in Limbo, and Not Alone

Making a life decision is never something to take lightly. Who you marry, what you study in school, what your profession becomes, how many children you have and many other major life events are usually things you would think that most everyone would take very seriously.

I can hear all your collective thoughts right now saying, "Thanks captain obvious. You get a gold star…"

Why state the obvious? Because I'm stuck in it, and because I have no idea how to get out.

To my credit, I picked one awesome bride and have two of the cutest children known to mankind. Thanks to them I might actually end up in my parent's will.

On the down side, I wasn't so great at picking a direction of study and/or career path. No offense to my current employer and profession—I thoroughly enjoy what I do, just not the fact that it wasn't something I would have ever consciously chosen for myself 10, or even 5 years ago. And, there is a difference between enjoying something and really wanting to be doing it as a profession. In that same vein, Psychology was great to study, and it probably helped me establish the fact that I am indeed certifiably crazy and hopeless. I could have saved myself a lot of time and money if I would have just listened to my wife on that one 8 years ago.

So, what I'm really trying to get at is that now that I'm 29 (gasp! I know, I should shut up already) and have some critical life experience behind me, I realize now that I'm lacking some of the major essentials of what I used to be like as an ambitious and pretentious kid. It's no shocker that we all grow up and turn out to be mere shadows of our youthful selves, for which I'm generally very thankful. But when it comes to having a passion for life and motivation to live it to the fullest, I'm definitely envious of my former self.

Mind you, I'm neither depressed by nor naive about where I'm at in life currently. I've really never been more at peace with my family, my marriage and my children.

What I am lacking is that extra something that gets me out of bed in the mornings. I'm missing the fire I used to have for the future, the yearning for more. Some things, like exercise, I did out of vanity and selfishness. Other things, like reading the scriptures daily, I did because I was either trying to impress my parents and teachers, or really thirsting for knowledge and answers as a missionary, or really digging into a lesson I needed to prepare for my calling.

My realization is this: I have done very little throughout my life that I'm truly proud of just because it was the right thing to do and I really wanted to do it. That motivation has come later in some of these things, but rarely beforehand.

The other fight I have with myself is because of the ease by which most things have come to me (I know, cry me a river…). School was simple. I never had a hard time getting a date. I rarely have to work harder than I want to at my job, or at most anything else within my stewardship. Life just comes easy, and yet I want more.

I know that I'm not alone in this. There are a rare few of us with college degrees that are actually practicing and enjoying what we studied to do and become. Hats off to all you overachievers out there.

My complaint is not that I'm just stuck in this sort of life limbo and want someone to help me and the rest of us poor saps in the same boat get out. I'm complaining, and a bit concerned, that I've lost the ability to dream and feel like it's worth dreaming about. I want to have that part of myself back that used to think I could do or be anything. I want to be able to have that inner fire back, that drive to really make things happen. I recognize that when I had that in life I did more of what I knew would be best for me. The last thing I want to have happen is find myself in my late 40s and praying for death or early retirement because I'm so sick of my career.

If any of you have any advice or know of any REAL way to get that fire back, I'd be more than willing to compensate you with a delicious, home cooked meal of your choice. Just ask my wife; I happen to be a food fanatic and a pretty darn good cook. And by advice I mean GOOD advice. No freebies for just trying to get a quick meal. :-)

Entitled to Happiness?

For whatever reason, I tend to get a topic stuck in my head and everything that happens for a period of time seems to reiterate that topic again and again. I don't know if that is just me and my one-track-minded self, or if others experience that same phenomenon.

So, last week I wrote about my experience in Primary and the curse of entitlement that is controlling much of our current and future generations' thoughts and actions. Yet again today, the senior primary kids showed me just how prevalent this curse is becoming. I also was able to see in my own life how I'm just as guilty as they are, and how important it is for me to be living my very best so that I can be more receptive to the Spirit and know what is most important to teach them.

I had prepared for singing time today by practicing some fun pioneer primary songs on the guitar. The junior primary did great and had a fun time singing and learning the songs. They seem to respond well to changes of pace that keep their short attention spans interested for longer.

Senior primary was shaping up to be a good experience as well, but they were a bit more obnoxious about the fun songs than the younger kids. It quickly got to the point where I knew that continuing on with the singing time as planned was not going to be an effective teaching tool. The kids were more interested in goofing off with their friends and classmates and being disrespectful of my time than really getting anything out of the experience.

I had a scripture come to mind that I shared with them. Alma 41:10 states that, "wickedness never was happiness." I embarked on a discussion of this verse, the history behind it and what it means for each of us today. We talked about how wickedness is not just the really bad people or really bad things we can do, but that it is anything that drives away the Spirit and prevents us from being truly happy. We talked about how our example affects others, especially how our bad example and poor choices can affect the Spirit's ability to influence others around us.

We also spent a little time talking about the first part of verse 10 where the wicked cannot be restored to a state of happiness in the resurrection. Our choices, even the small white lies or the occasional moments of irreverence, can lead us to not being able to be as receptive to the Holy Ghost; and thus will ultimately keep us from experiencing the kind of happiness that is beyond description.

Satan's efforts to fill our lives with counterfeit happinesses are so precise and so abundant that being able to tell the difference between excitement and joy is growing harder and harder to do. We are becoming so accustomed to the constancy of the counterfeits that we've started lowering our standards as to what we'll accept as a good time. I know. I'm definitely one who likes to not have to put too much effort into having a good time, even if that means putting up with some of the junk that gets woven into generally decent entertainment. The problem is that I know some of these things are stealing away my desires to put effort into the things that bring the most happiness. I truly believe that one of Satan's ultimate goals is to create enough distractions of innumerable variety that, by the time we realize what has happened, we've occupied our entire existence with things that have simply pacified and lulled us away into carnal security.

In other words, Satan is doing his best to convince us that we are entitled to happiness; and the worst part is that his version of happiness is one that will ultimately lead to our eternal misery. 1 Nephi 2:25 states that, "men are that they might have joy (emphasis added)." Joy of the nature and magnitude which the Lord describes is a possibility, not a right. We are invited to use our agency to discover that joy, but it can only be obtained through the pattern that God has shown.

It is my hope that you and I can fight through the mess of Satan's counterfeit happiness and secure for ourselves and our children a death grip on the joy set aside for the saints. And I mean death grip; for if we aren't willing to sacrifice everything, even our own lives if necessary, to find and hold onto that joy, then we'll be selling our inheritance for nothing more than a "mess of pottage."

The Curse of Entitlement

It's been quite a little while since I wrote last, and that post was not even my own writing. Being busy tends to be something that makes putting off what's most important that much easier. And not that I rank blogging as part of the "most important" group. It simply tends to be one of the many things that takes lower priority when life gets hectic.

So, what I really wanted to write about actually happened last Sunday while I was helping out in the junior primary during sharing time. As could be expected, the kids were all restless and hungry (having church during the lunch hour makes for many a hungry child… and adult). I was substituting for the chorister who was out sick, which I didn't mind at all. I thoroughly enjoy being with the kids.

One young boy in the older class of kids was being particularly rowdy and despondent to calls to reverence. After I got through with the singing time I stole back to his class and sat next to him and his friends. By this time he was actually laying on the floor and aimlessly kicking the chairs in front of him. So, I thought I would distract him a little and see if I couldn't rationalize him into even mild obedience.

I quietly started talking to him and asking him different questions that would hopefully play into my master plan. He was taken a little by surprise at first, probably since most adults that talk to him are more interested in his immediate silence and conformity than what he likes to do. He seemed to enjoy the unique nature of our conversation and obliged me with meaningful responses.

I eventually was able to ask him why he wasn't paying attention to the different lessons and activities during sharing time. His answer prompted deep reflection on my part and has inspired this post. He said that he didn't like to pay attention or participate in the activities because, "Church isn't fun." I probably should have expected such an answer from him, or any other kid for that matter, and not thought anything of it. Instead, after asking him a little more about what he meant, I got the deep impression that he had no motivation to expect anything else out of life than fun. If it wasn't fun, why would anyone want to do it?

As I thought about what he said I realized that his attitude is a classic example of what is wrong with how we view life and what our way of life has come to instill in us. From 6 year-olds all the way up to retirees, this attitude of being entitled to nothing but fun and ease is rotting away the foundation of critical, time-honored values. Values like gaining enjoyment from an honest day's work, or working hard for anything of real value, are eroding away with the onslaught of marketing messages claiming that happiness and enjoyment are found in the purchasing of goods and services meant to make our lives easier and more fun.

I know that I'm not a unique or solitary voice in proclaiming these woes, but there still seems to be so little happening to remedy the situation. That's because we are a society of consumers, ever convinced that happiness is just one purchase away. Our government is keenly aware of this, evidenced by President Bush's comments after the World Trade Center bombings that we should go on and live as normally as possible, going to movies and doing all the things that make America great.

Understand that I am definitely not against fun or entertainment in any way. We all need opportunities to relax and unwind. But when our lives are consumed by those things, then we've gone way past what fun and entertainment were intended for.

So, what are the possible remedies? Well, that is something that I will be addressing in the next couple of posts. Suffice it to say, for now, that we need to be focused on the why so much more than ever before, because that is what must be driving every last decision we make. It is key to our success in life and the hereafter. How we teach the why to our kids will be the ultimate test of our resolve in living the why.

Taking a Stand On Marriage

I got this email from my father-in-law and just had to post it here on my blog. I'm personally appalled at the blatant attack on the family and marriage as they have been defined, divinely appointed and upheld since the dawn of time. I know that God is not happy about the rampant wickedness and demoralization of His commandments and guidelines for marriage, let alone the state-invoked sanctification of homosexual unions in Massachusetts and California.

Anyway, I think this email says it best, and the tongue-in-cheek way it accomplishes its point is priceless. Enjoy.

A Scene at City Hall in San Francisco

"Next."

"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."

"Names?"

“Tim and Jim Jones."

“Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."

"Yes, we're brothers."

"Brothers? You can't get married."

"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"

"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"

"Incest? No, we are not gay."

"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"

"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."

"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."

"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."

"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"

"All right, all right… I'll give you your license."

"Next."

"Hi. We are here to get married."

"Names?"

"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."

"Who wants to marry whom?"

"We all want to marry each other."

"But there are four of you!"

"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June. June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."

"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."

"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"

"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."

"Since when are you standing on tradition?"

"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."

"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the… Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"

"All right, all right.”

“Next."

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."

"In what names?"

"David Deets."

"And the other man?"

"That's all. I want to marry myself."

"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"

"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."

"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"

Small Disclaimer

I really appreciate those of you that have commented on my posts and given me such great feedback. It's neat for me to see how our lives are so much better understood when we share them with each other. Go figure! :)

I do want to issue one small word of caution. As with every other Latter-day Saint that writes about their views on the gospel, I must be very clear in stating that the views expressed in this blog are all my own views and are not intended to be extrapolated into the official position of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in any way. If there are errors, they are mine alone (please comment if you see any!). My whole purpose in sharing is to provide myself a more concrete way of expressing my thoughts and feelings about my family, the gospel and this mess we call mortality. Hopefully, my crazy life and thoughts might help someone gain a clearer understanding of their own. I know that happiness is not to be bottled up and sealed away selfishly, but shared with all I know and love… and maybe even someone I've never met.

Thanks again, and stay tuned for more adventures. I'm going to be teaching my dad's institute classes this week while he's on vacation, so that should be interesting.

A Little Better Understanding

Man, am I thankful that Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he got this whole 'plan' thing rolling! Without it, I know that I would be making a complete mess of things, as this week has so graciously shown me. But, I need to give a little background before diving into the specifics.

I would hope that everyone has at least one passion in life, if for nothing more than to help you know what it feels like to want something really bad. Me, well, I think I have more than my fair share of passions. Mostly I think that I could do with a few less, or just be a little more balanced in how I approached them.

One of my passions is my family, particularly my parent's family, and doing what I can to help bring about their happiness. Everyone who knows me or my family well enough will concede that we aren't your typical family. Our family dynamic is such that, on the surface, we may appear to be almost too perfect. The perfect kids that never disrupt or fight during sacrament meeting. The perfect mother who is as close to superwoman as any woman ever has been. Or the master teacher of a father that works for the Church and blesses the lives of hundreds every day. Sounds all a little too good to be true.

And it is.

We definitely aren't perfect, and we've come a long way in being able to not only admit that, but allow people to actually see our faults. Hopefully this all doesn't come as a shock to some of you. Most of you who know me and my family will probably smile and think, "I knew it!" You get a gold star for the day. :)

My father is now the one to openly admit his failings as a parent to us kids, and, to his credit, is doing a lot to move things in a positive direction. It is his happiness that I have desperately struggled to help come to greater fruition, but often to little avail—at least on the surface. At least this passion of mine is better than my previous high school passion of trying to tick him off.

Getting to the point now (I know, FINALLY). My father's passion in life is the gospel and the teaching of it. For better or worse, it is both what he does and who he is. As you can imagine, this passion has shaped every last thing that I learned to think, see, hear and do as a child. This would have been fantastic if it weren't for his lack of patience and continual frustration with life. Like I said earlier, he admits to all this in full just as I admit to being a royal pain in the rear as a teen, and we have grown in our relationship and understanding from talking about these things. The hard part of all this has been learning how to re-learn and re-apply gospel truths and principles through a clearer, more loving and kind lens (thanks Kristen!) and becoming who I always wanted to be without going off in a semi-skewed perspective.

If this is your first time reading my blog, then you haven't been introduced to some of the re-learned concepts I'm referring to. If you're a more frequent visitor, then this should shed a little light onto my reasons and perspectives in my writing.

Anyway, having been blessed with a second chance at the gospel over the past few years, I have since become acutely aware of just how much more joy and happiness are possible, and just how far from that my dad seems most of the time. So, my passion for my family's happiness tends to do some hostile takeovers at times, usually pushing me to do or say things that are intended to help but end up just missing the mark. Such is the case of the past 2 weeks.

Without going into too many details, for some of them are both sacred to me as well as personal between me and my dad, I'll explain what has gone on and why I am so thankful that Heavenly Father knows what he's doing with the mess our lives so often make.

For years now I've been praying and pondering about why my dad seems to be so unhappy living the gospel he so vehemently preaches. Then, on Tuesday morning of last week I awoke to some very special and sacred thoughts and feelings. This doesn't happen very often, so I took it very seriously… probably a little too seriously. In my passion and concern for my dad, combined with some of the buried hurts that I have harbored against him, I came to the conclusion that I was supposed to rebuke my father for doing certain things and to call him to repentance. I was both scared to death and yet somewhat encouraged by this.

After some other great impressions, amazing insights and other spiritual lessons, I determined to act on my feelings to talk to my dad. I told my mom about what I had felt, and though she was unsure and a little scared of the outcome, she knew that I would do what I had to do.

This past Tuesday I finally made it over to the institute where I battled against my worries and fears about what to say and how. I even typed out what I thought I was supposed to say. Looking back now I realize that part of my nerves had to do with the fact that I was barking up the wrong tree—spiritually speaking.

Anyway, I knocked on my dad's office door, he let me in, and I proceeded to tell him what I was prepared to say. I got emotional in trying to talk to him, something I didn't really want but could feel coming on anyway. As I read through my rebuke, and did so claiming spiritual promptings to do so, my dad stopped me and in a very worried tone started telling me that I was going about this all wrong. I had figured before hand that he would say something like this, so I tried to push back and asked him just to listen, but he became even more emphatic. I began thinking it was hopeless and that he just wasn't going to listen to me, when he finally got through my defenses and I let him teach me what it was he was really trying to say.

The Lord's pattern for receiving revelation is something that I have been familiar with for some time. Even still, in my passion to "do the right thing," I forgot to study things out, listen more carefully to the Spirit and follow the Lord's pattern. My dad told me that, though he was very thankful for my concern, he was concerned that how I was going about sharing this was indeed against the way that has been decreed by the Lord's servants. His words began to sink into my heart, and the peace that I had been searching for, but never actually found in my zeal to talk to him, started to fill my soul, and I knew that he was speaking truth.

I was a little embarrassed, and even somewhat concerned with myself when I realized that I had taken my impressions down a road that was not ordained of the Lord. My dad and the Spirit taught me a great lesson that day. I learned that, though we may be right about someone or something and be impressed to know those things, if we do not follow the pattern of revelation and stewardship that the Lord has shown, then we are not in fact following His will.

Those of you like me who, though familiar with this pattern, need a reminder as to what it is, let me explain. Each of us has different roles and stewardships which we hold and maintain. Roles of father, mother, bishop, teacher, prophet and many others are some that we may hold one of, or several of simultaneously. The point is that, though we may feel impressed to say something to someone else, unless they are under our stewardship we cannot receive revelation for them. A son cannot rebuke his father in his role as the father, for that is not how the Lord does things. A son CAN and should share his feelings with his dad about something that causes him concern, but never rebuke him. That is just as wrong as me going to Pres. Monson and saying that I have had a vision for the Church. It just doesn't work that way. Obviously, you can tell that this hit home to me.

So, to wrap this up I want to close by thanking Heavenly Father again for being patient with me and cleaning up the mess that I made of his generosity. And second, I want to refer to two scriptures in the Doctrine and Covenants that speak directly to this issue of revelation. Thankfully, I get the chance to teach them to my dad's students this coming week while he's on vacation. I know that I'm the one that needs them more than they do. See D&C 9:7-9; and D&C 11:6-22 (every verse in those sections is fantastic, but I wanted to focus in on those that talk about the ways by which the Spirit is felt and what qualifies our impressions and acting upon them).

The Strait and Narrow Path

I mentioned briefly in my last post the differences in the paths that are followed when striving to live the restored gospel. Some experience great joy and draw ever nearer to Christ in thought, word and deed. Others, though apparently striving along the same path, experience frustration, doubt and fear in greater measure than the happiness promised to those sincerely doing all they can.

So what makes the difference? Is the path they are trying to walk somehow not the same path?

No, and yes.

The plan of happiness, or plan of salvation for God's children, is chronicled throughout scripture in abundant detail. Modern prophecy and revelation have sharpened our understanding of the plan and painted a lush and vibrant picture of the pathway to eternal life. The detail and variety described in the restored gospel lends itself to being understood by every personality type and personal perspective known to man. The simplicity and straitness of the way as taught in scripture are meant to guide us through our lives toward the promise of eternal life and exaltation in the highest degree of celestial glory.

As in all things, the key difference in how we each follow the path, in either joy or frustration, depends upon our personal agency and perspective. Heavenly Father desires each of us to come unto him through his Son, but he cannot and will not force us to do so. He will even go so far as to grant unto men according to their desires, so that he may righteously and fairly judge us based upon our own choices and the condition of our hearts. This is important to note when we look closer at the way of the strait and narrow path.

The strait and narrow path is what is most often referred to in the Church as the way by which we are to return to live with Father and Son in glory and eternal joy. The many likenesses and metaphors used to describe the strait and narrow path lend themselves to a strict and unyielding course we are to follow if we desire to reach a glorious end. The scriptures are quick to mention that many will fall away because of the straitness/strictness of the way, warning us that we must stay within the bounds that the Lord has set or suffer the consequences.

Such language is meant to inspire humility, obedience and determination to endure to the end and get the most we possibly can out of the experience. However, just as common a reaction to the vastness of the requirements is feeling overwhelmed and even depressed—definitely not feelings that are heavenly inspired. What doesn't help much is the frequent experience of gospel instruction that emphasizes the dogmatism of the strait and narrow instead of the delights of discipleship. Such instruction is generally not intended to be such, but walking the fine line between conformity and charity is not an easy task.

I believe that much of the difficulty in bridging the gap between frustration and joy in walking the strait and narrow lies in how that path is viewed. That is what I meant in that the path is both the same path for everyone, and yet the path is simultaneously different. It's all a matter of perspective. I've put together 2 illustrations that depict what I think the main difference of perspective regarding the strait and narrow looks like, in the hopes of shedding new light on the path.

As far as I can remember during my formative years , the way in which the strait and narrow path was described was something like the diagram on the right. The little separations in the line represent a sort of step-by-step process of obedience and ordinances. Personal transgressions create tangents in the line, and repentance brings you back to where the tangent took place; and in some cases further back on the path than where you left (depending upon the transgression). The path is marked by prophetic counsel and sacred scripture (the word of God/iron rod). The end goal is celestial glory and perfection. The atonement makes getting back on and staying on the path possible, while personal efforts (agency) are what determine the outcome. There are many more details that could be used to describe the nuances of the path, but I believe that this description is generally accurate and something we can all identify with.

So, what's the problem with this depiction? Doctrinally this is correct as it relates to the basics of what we must do to inherit celestial glory. But, though correct, I do not believe it to be complete. The first issue that stands out with this diagram is that the path of progression appears to be linear and predictable. The fact that there are prescribed milestones in the path is sure, but is there only one right sequence in which me must reach these milestones? No.

What I mean is that each of us have specific strengths and weaknesses that factor into how and when we reach specific levels (if you will) of spirituality and conversion. We must meet certain requirements to be baptized, receive other ordinances and make specific covenants, but we are not required to all be on the same level of understanding, humility, kindness, patience, testimony, etc to be considered sufficiently worthy to receive them. As long as we meet the base requirements and are judged as worthy to receive by the Lord's anointed servants, then we are permitted onward.

The key in my stating this is to show that a linear path is not as complete in showing the way as something more true to the nature of God. As we read, His course is "one eternal round," and His purposes are eternal. Though the end result of living according to the gospel law is celestial rest, that is not the ultimate goal. Our Savior, perfect Exemplar and Master is the central point of the gospel. Through Him we will be made whole (perfect), and it is His image that we must strive to have reflected in our countenances. If Jesus Christ is the true center of our striving to follow the strait and narrow path, then the path takes a different view altogether.

The words strait and narrow are interchangeably defined in the dictionary. Tight, constricted, rigid and confined are all used multiple times to better define these two terms. Taken out of context, it is easy to see how these can be discouraging to would-be followers. Yet, though meant to weed out those unwilling to bend their will to God's, it is not meant to discourage or alienate the willing disciple. Looking further at the definitions of strait and narrow in context with the ultimate goal of becoming like our Savior, the words focused, true, singular and targeted emerge as viable similes. Let me paint a picture using the spiral diagram shown.

Each of us begin walking the strait and narrow path quite some distance away from our target of becoming like Jesus, but the longer we walk in faith the closer we get to the target. Put differently, Christ is not just a destination – He is the focus. He is the center, the culmination, the zenith of the gospel plan, both in doctrine and example. It is His image we strive to have in our countenances. We cannot become such a being without truly knowing the Master inside and out. As you look at the spiral you can see that, though still very much narrow, it circles around and around the focal point, bringing the follower ever closer to the center from every possible angle. True disciples of the Master will not only strive to know His doctrine, but they will seek to incorporate every last aspect of His life into theirs.

The possible comparisons and doctrinal parallels with this spiral view of the path are nearly endless. The one point that I believe is the strongest qualifier of such a visual is that of how the differences in the path provide such differing views of the end goal – and those who journey with us. A linear path typically does not afford as detailed a view of the goal as does a circular path around the goal. A linear path also does not provide as much interaction with the sphere of influence of both the goal and those striving along the same as does a circular path.

In other words, with Christ being the center and the ultimate goal, each of us will begin to take on the traits and abilities of the Savior the longer we remain in the strait and narrow path. Those characteristics are enhanced by the light of Christ and made even brighter by the Holy Ghost. Our own striving to live like Christ expands His light and influence, providing beacons of light and hope to others, no matter their position on the path.

Becoming like Christ in the strait and narrow also has the effect of enlarging our hearts and capacity for kindness and love. A natural by-product of the path should be a reaching outward to others because of the joy we feel in the process of becoming. As I have stated in previous posts, the entire focus of the Church, the family and the gospel plan is to seal the family of God together in eternal bonds. These bonds are not meant to just be priesthood bonds, but bonds of love, joy and deep cherishing of the relationships we have formed.

Walking the linear path does not afford such influence and emphasizes more the individual efforts needed for salvation rather than expanding those into the becoming like the Savior and one with all around us. The spiral path requires, as does the true purpose of the gospel, that we share our lives, our hopes, our dreams, our insecurities and our fears with those closest to us. In this sharing of our lives we find the greatest joy and love, because doing so is also our greatest act of selflessness. On the flip side, if we withhold our true selves from those around us, no matter how flawed and goofy we are, that is the greatest act of selfishness we can commit in this life. Eventually, all things shall be made known upon the roof tops, and the secrets of our lives will be shouted out for all to see and hear. How much better will it be if those closest to us already know about these things and can love and support us through even the most difficult and vulnerable of personal tragedies!

I wish to close this post with a thought about the life of Christ and how He did exactly that with His life that I just mentioned. Children have a natural aversion to strangers and seek shelter in the protection of their parents. The light and countenance of the Savior was such that children—and adults—flocked to Him. Some came seeking miracles, others came with questions. But the children came because of the love and joy that radiated from Jesus' countenance. He shared His table with disciples AND with sinners. He shared not only His teachings but His entire being with all who sought Him. His very presence inspired peace, love, joy and unity. The greatest miracle Jesus performed outside of the atonement was the miracle of His example. He is the Master. He is the focus. It is His will that ours is to bend to meet. That is why I believe that the strait and narrow is bent around He who is the center of all things.

Be Ye Therefore Perfect

“Be ye therefore perfect…” (Matt. 5:48; 3 Ne. 12:48) Nothing tends to intimidate members of the Church more than these words, especially since they are repeated in every major canon of scripture except the Pearl of Great Price. In fact, many scriptures in this same vein of scope and directness do a most effective job of putting the fear of God into the saints—in one way or another.

And well they should… the scriptures that is. History has proven time and again that, unless the word is strict and immovable, men will distort or simply ignore lesser counsel. The plainness of the word of God as found in scripture, both ancient and modern, is already prostituted far too often—even in its current purity and strength.

So, why does it sound like I’m adding to the already bleak picture that many tend to paint for themselves through the gospel lens? Because, like so many, I have spent much of my life struggling to conform and comply with the apparent rigidity of gospel doctrine and law. In those struggles I have found both great blessings and immense frustration; blessings on the one hand because the “Lord [is] bound when [we] do what [he] say[s]” (D&C 82:10), and frustration on the other because of the weakness of my flesh and the fiery darts of the adversary.

It is this frustration that so easily gets carried away into depression and despair over the straitness of the way. Satan is brilliant when it comes to straining doctrine into dogma, commandments into constrictions and discipline into dictatorship. He does so through his own whisperings, telling us that the way is too hard and that our efforts will never be enough, and many other subtle, nearly undetectable lies. It is this frustration that I would like to address by providing some possible insights into the command to be perfect.

The Savior’s command to his disciples as referenced in Matthew 5:48 to be perfect has been discussed many times throughout the history of the restored Church. The point most often made when analyzing this verse comes when the Matthew reference is compared to the Savior's reiteration of the same to the Nephites after His resurrection. The notable difference is that the pre-resurrected Lord refers to being perfect “even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect,” while the post-resurrected Lord includes Himself along with His Father when referring to the perfect example to follow. This important difference sheds critical light onto the meaning of perfection intended by the Savior.

Jesus Christ was, is, and will ever be the only man never to commit sin. If it were not so then he could not have performed the atonement, and we would be lost forever. The distinction I wish to make is that, though sinless, the Master did not refer to himself as perfect until after his atoning sacrifice, death and resurrection. This is because sinlessness does not equal perfection. I repeat – sinlessness does not equal perfection. It is an essential part of perfection, but it does not signify the whole of what perfection is meant to be. That is where so many good people of the church begin to miss the mark as they equate the two as being the same. That is also where much of the frustration with ourselves under the seeming tyranny of perfection/sinlessness is fostered.

Let’s break this down a little further to help clarify some important points.

  1. Every child of Heavenly Father has need of the atonement of Jesus Christ to be cleansed from sin to have opportunity to inherit exaltation. As we read in both the Book of Mormon and the D&C, “…the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance;” (Alma 45:16; D&C 1:31) for “no unclean thing can enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Alma 11:37) Thus the supernal need for Jesus Christ and his atonement.
  2. The definition of perfect in the dictionary is broad and very insightful. Exactness is a main theme in the definitions provided, but completeness and wholeness are just as equally cited in defining perfection. When the command to be perfect is understood in light of these defining terms, combined with the insight found in the pre and post-resurrected Lord's exhortation to be perfect, a more perfect (ha ha) picture emerges. Perfection as it relates to our lives is an eventual state of wholeness or completion. Jesus, though sinless in mortality, was not perfect until he had reached the consummation of his purpose and done “all that he was commanded to do.” That incredible, unfathomable burden of atoning for all mankind was something that Jesus had to do to fully come to know each of us personally. That is what makes him the only One who can be both advocate and judge, because He has become one with each of us. For us to become perfect we need to become like Jesus, in that our perfection is not complete with sinlessness alone but with the consummation of our earthly missions. We must not only strive for being purified and clean but doing all with our lives that the Father intended, which is not something that can be done alone.
  3. The atonement was both all-encompassing and completely individualized. We must accept Jesus as our personal Savior, and yet He is not our savior alone. He saved us all—every last soul that chose to keep their first estate. The atonement was not meant to work in the silo of our own lives but as part of the great plan of happiness for all of God's children together—unified, sealed, one. You and I cannot pay for each other’s sins, but we can, and must become saviors on mount Zion by sharing the gospel through the way we live our lives, through our testimonies and our love. We can only become like Jesus insofar as we give of ourselves to others, for Father didn’t just plan on saving individuals; His plan was for his family. We can only be made truly perfect when our lives, our hearts and our souls are knit together as one with each other. This essential truth is reiterated as we look into the mirrors on opposite sides of the altars of the temple. We can see forever into our past and future. Our hearts and the hearts of those on both sides of the veil must be turned to each other. We cannot be saved without our family—Father’s family—those long since past and those yet to come.
  4. It can be easy to get discouraged when thinking that, since perfection is more than just keeping the commandments and becoming clean from sin, we can only fulfill the measure of our creation and our individual missions if we live some ideal, nearly impossible life path without straying therefrom in the least. Satan strives to enslave us under the tyranny of what we should have done better, or what we could be like now if only we had followed some different path. It is true that blessings once lost cannot be regained by doing over something we might have done better. But dwelling on such mistakes or reacting out of fear in similar future instances is not ordained of God. Such self-doubt and fear is contrary to the Father’s plan of individual agency. Is there an ideal way to live? Sure. Does that mean that not following some pre-determined, paint-by-the-numbers way to live ideal voids us of eternal happiness and reward? NO! Agency, both our own and that of others often makes following a prescribed ideal impossible and even unwise. The key is not the dogmatic following of some check-listed, step-by-step life pattern, but the continuous bending of our will to God’s and becoming like He who has saved us all. The condition of our hearts is the ultimate deciding factor—something that is infinitely more merciful, and yet not something that is part of an easy, carnally influenced life course. Alma 5:14 and many other verses in that chapter refer to the condition of our hearts as the measuring rod of our perfection. Faith, repentance, obedience and enduring to the end are musts, but marking these off of some sort of requirements list while not having our hearts filled with charity for our fellow men will not gain us the kind of heavenly reward we hope for. In summary, the Lord knows our hearts and will judge us according to what we have become, not merely by the order in which we have done things.
  5. Perfection is a joyful process, one that is best understood and enjoyed through vision that is focused on Jesus Christ and love for all around us. Everything we experience, be it difficult or pleasant, is meant for our good. As long as our eyes are single to God’s glory, our vision will be bright with hope, our hearts full of love and our countenances full of light. Constancy in such joy is the hardest choice we make on a daily basis, because Satan’s ultimate goal is to ruin hope and joy. Sin kills joy, proving “wickedness never was happiness.” Frustration also kills joy, but frustration is more a product of choice rather than circumstance. The more we strive to live the gospel in joy and love the harder things will seem – for a while. As we navigate the strait and narrow path, we come to see more and more that the way is not a direct linear path before us, but rather one eternal round centered on the Savior and his life. The longer we walk the path in joy and love the more like the Savior we become. If we are walking the gospel path and not experiencing joy then we are not walking the right path.

There is a lot more that I could say about these concepts, but this post is already much too long for a traditional blog. So I will stop here. Suffice it to say that I have felt very impressed by the pattern of perfection that the Savior has left for us to follow. Though the way may contain many trials and sorrows, the path itself is one of true joy. That joy cannot be achieved by walking the path alone, but by sharing our lives with our family and friends. They are the source of true joy, for with them we are able to practice living as the Savior lived, and thus hopefully become even as He is.

The Pattern of Gospel Living

Who
What
When
Where
Why
How

These questions are very important as they pertain to our living and implementing gospel principles and ordinances in our lives. Yet sometimes the order in which we prioritize them is not the most effective, nor is it the most beneficial to our happiness in living the gospel.

If you could prioritize these in the order that makes the most sense for living a righteous life, what would it be?

Here are my thoughts:

Why
• The
Why is our part, our agency and the condition of our hearts. 99% of the gospel plan in mortality is complete. It’s just that 1% of our own will that makes all the difference in the world. If our Why isn’t based upon faith in Jesus Christ, hope in the blessings to come and charity/pure love for the Savior, His gospel and complete submission to His will then the Why becomes our condemnation. The Why is the most critical because it determines the rest of what we do and the blessings/consequences of our actions. We may be very regimented in our scripture study, our church attendance or our paying of tithes, but if our hearts are mired in ritual, steeped in pride, fearful of failure or concerned with the outward appearance of our actions then our obedience is as “sounding brass and tinkling cymbal.” If our actions and obedience are based on faith in, love for and deep devotion to our Savior and His glory then we have found the mark. And with that love for Jesus Christ comes an almost immediate and overwhelming love for all God’s children, for without our brothers and sisters joining us in the true happiness that is the purpose of Father’s plan we are as “lone [men] in the wilderness.” Which leads me directly to the next point.

Who
• The
Who is two-fold: The first and most critical Who is Jesus Christ, the center of the gospel and the “author and finisher of our faith” (Moro. 6:4). The second encompasses every last one of Father’s children, whether dead, alive or yet to come to the earth. We are all an eternal family, and the whole reason for families, the church organization and gospel ordinances is to bind our hearts together and seal them up as one in the eternal worlds to come. Happiness is not possible in the silo of our own lives. Our sojourn on Earth requires that we open our lives and our hearts to everyone around us. As we strive to become more like Jesus Christ—our Why—then the Who becomes ever more essential; for as we become like Him, our countenances shine with His light and we too become saviors on mount Zion. That is where we find our eternal happiness – in becoming like Jesus together by sharing our lives, testimony and gladness with those of our past, present and future.

What
• What we do relates to the doctrines, principles, ordinances and covenants of the restored gospel. They are key in revealing to us the nature of God and are essential parts of the path to becoming like Jesus Christ. They are meant to keep us straight and true on our journey to becoming like the Savior and provide protection from the fiery darts of the adversary. The
What is somewhat interchangeable with the How, depending upon what gospel topic is in application. Often as members of the Church we concern ourselves so deeply in the doing of the What that we forget the Why and the Who. The worst thing that we can do is lose sight of the Why and the Who in the doing of the Whats of the gospel and miss the mark completely. If the What isn’t driving our becoming through showing us the life and example of our Savior then it has become as dead to us, nothing more than a code of ethics and laws that cannot of themselves save us from ourselves. And in many cases, the Whats become a tangle of frustration and a block of stumbling to us when they become the focus.

How
• The
How is directly related to the manner in which gospel ordinances are performed and covenants are made. Priesthood is an essential part of the How. Proper authority to administer the saving ordinances is foundational to their efficacy. The How is part of why the restoration of the gospel and the Lord’s Church was essential in the latter days, providing again the authority to act in God’s name and to bind in heaven that which is bound on earth. The How is sometimes interchangeable with the What, especially as it relates to ordinances. Certain principles and doctrines stand alone without accompanying ordinances, in the which case the What takes precedence. Suffice it to say that the How and What are absolutely essential to the Why and Who, but they do not nor cannot supersede them, and of themselves are incomplete in providing the means to eternal exaltation. If it were otherwise, the Pharisees and scribes would be as viable of candidates for exaltation as Enoch, Moses or Paul.

Where
• The
Where most often relates to the proper location for performing holy ordinances and for the congregating of the Saints for instruction and the unifying of faith. The Lord’s house (temples) and His houses of worship (chapels, seminaries, institutes and other dedicated buildings) are sacred places in which some of the most edifying worship and instruction can take place. The mysteries of the kingdom are often revealed to the Lord’s prophets in the temple. Our joining together to partake of the sacrament in dedicated buildings is a blessing and privilege and is essential to our salvation and becoming like the Savior. Yet as history has shown, the Where does not supersede the previous components of the gospel in importance as the Lord’s purposes have been and will yet be accomplished in the most insignificant and lowly of places. Just remember that the manger, the garden, the cross and the tomb were not the miracles. The Man was.

When
• The
When holds last place on this list because, though still important, it pales in comparison to the rest. Agency, law and the Lord’s tender mercies ensure that all men will receive perfect judgment, and with that perfect opportunity to prove where their loyalties lie. However, this statement does not diminish the importance of the scriptures when they state that “now is the time for men to prepare to meet God” and that the day of our salvation is today. The more we are able to do now the better. But the When will not overshadow the condition of the heart, nor Jesus Christ, the “keeper of the gate['s]” ability to judge in complete righteousness, “for he employeth no servant there.” (2 Ne. 9:41, both quotations)

Who Can Stay the Lord's Hand?

I find it amazing, though I probably shouldn't by now, how the Lord moves in very precise and coordinated ways. I awoke this morning with my parents' family on my mind, which is something that has been happening often lately. Quickly my thoughts about them turned into much stronger impressions—spiritual impressions. I've spent the morning pondering these feelings and impressions and trying to do my best to follow what it is the Spirit wants me to do. It's definitely not as easy as I used to think it was on the mission. Doing what Father wants and coordinating it with the agency of those it affects is a delicate process at times, but nevertheless an essential part of the learning.

The interesting part was when I called my mom to ask if I could meet up with her and my dad after lunch to talk. She informed me of some of the struggles going on in the household right now and it confirmed my impressions. That made me feel much more sure of my need to be supporting my family and move forward with the things I've felt.

I wish I had more time right now to go into what is on my mind, but there is still too much to do with sooooo little time. I'm just in awe at what happens when time and energy are spent caring about people and trying to do everything possible to make a difference in their lives. The plan really is about people.