Just Because

Just Because

There are some things in life that are best done based off of detailed, strategic plans. Waking up one morning and deciding, "I want to be the next Google," is not something that will likely come to fruition just because you want it to. I won't even begin to go into the insanity of what it would take to compete directly with Google – besides, this post isn't even about marketing or business (I know… thank goodness).

There is something interesting, though, about the phrase "just because." Lately I have brooding over my reasons for doing certain things and trying to find the motivation to put my head down and go for it. Looking even deeper into my life and personality, I can quickly identify that this striving to have the best possible answer—and thus the best possible motivation (right?)—is how I have both justified myself in doing and NOT doing certain things. Before fairly recently, I never stopped to think about what that actually means to be so cavalier with my reasons for doing what I do.

Granted, it is important to have convictions of certain things in life and to allow those convictions drive you to positive ends. But is it so important to have a reason for everything? Maybe eventually, but not today.

"Just because" is what I have discredited or even ignored throughout my life because of it's assumed wistfulness and lack of direction. The reality is that I couldn't be further from the truth. If every one of us gave up doing all of the good things we do in life that didn't have some deep, thought-out motivation, can you imagine how selfish and lonely this world would be?

Doing the dishes for my wife just because I love her is a far better reason for doing them than determining that I will enjoy a happier marriage, at least for a few hours, than if I were not to do them. In that light, just because becomes that caring and more selfless part of my nature. Just because doesn't have to be persuaded or compelled to act. Just because is that piece of ourselves that ends up making the greatest difference to someone else.

I have my doubts and concerns about life, what I believe in and why I believe the way I do, but so does most everyone else. What I have done way too much of is allow those doubts to rationalize away my doing good just because. I guess then that I have some work to do to get back on track and start doing what is right and good just because it is right and good – no matter what I believe.

Stuck in Limbo, and Not Alone

Stuck in Limbo, and Not Alone

Making a life decision is never something to take lightly. Who you marry, what you study in school, what your profession becomes, how many children you have and many other major life events are usually things you would think that most everyone would take very seriously.

I can hear all your collective thoughts right now saying, "Thanks captain obvious. You get a gold star…"

Why state the obvious? Because I'm stuck in it, and because I have no idea how to get out.

To my credit, I picked one awesome bride and have two of the cutest children known to mankind. Thanks to them I might actually end up in my parent's will.

On the down side, I wasn't so great at picking a direction of study and/or career path. No offense to my current employer and profession—I thoroughly enjoy what I do, just not the fact that it wasn't something I would have ever consciously chosen for myself 10, or even 5 years ago. And, there is a difference between enjoying something and really wanting to be doing it as a profession. In that same vein, Psychology was great to study, and it probably helped me establish the fact that I am indeed certifiably crazy and hopeless. I could have saved myself a lot of time and money if I would have just listened to my wife on that one 8 years ago.

So, what I'm really trying to get at is that now that I'm 29 (gasp! I know, I should shut up already) and have some critical life experience behind me, I realize now that I'm lacking some of the major essentials of what I used to be like as an ambitious and pretentious kid. It's no shocker that we all grow up and turn out to be mere shadows of our youthful selves, for which I'm generally very thankful. But when it comes to having a passion for life and motivation to live it to the fullest, I'm definitely envious of my former self.

Mind you, I'm neither depressed by nor naive about where I'm at in life currently. I've really never been more at peace with my family, my marriage and my children.

What I am lacking is that extra something that gets me out of bed in the mornings. I'm missing the fire I used to have for the future, the yearning for more. Some things, like exercise, I did out of vanity and selfishness. Other things, like reading the scriptures daily, I did because I was either trying to impress my parents and teachers, or really thirsting for knowledge and answers as a missionary, or really digging into a lesson I needed to prepare for my calling.

My realization is this: I have done very little throughout my life that I'm truly proud of just because it was the right thing to do and I really wanted to do it. That motivation has come later in some of these things, but rarely beforehand.

The other fight I have with myself is because of the ease by which most things have come to me (I know, cry me a river…). School was simple. I never had a hard time getting a date. I rarely have to work harder than I want to at my job, or at most anything else within my stewardship. Life just comes easy, and yet I want more.

I know that I'm not alone in this. There are a rare few of us with college degrees that are actually practicing and enjoying what we studied to do and become. Hats off to all you overachievers out there.

My complaint is not that I'm just stuck in this sort of life limbo and want someone to help me and the rest of us poor saps in the same boat get out. I'm complaining, and a bit concerned, that I've lost the ability to dream and feel like it's worth dreaming about. I want to have that part of myself back that used to think I could do or be anything. I want to be able to have that inner fire back, that drive to really make things happen. I recognize that when I had that in life I did more of what I knew would be best for me. The last thing I want to have happen is find myself in my late 40s and praying for death or early retirement because I'm so sick of my career.

If any of you have any advice or know of any REAL way to get that fire back, I'd be more than willing to compensate you with a delicious, home cooked meal of your choice. Just ask my wife; I happen to be a food fanatic and a pretty darn good cook. And by advice I mean GOOD advice. No freebies for just trying to get a quick meal. :-)

Entitled to Happiness?

Entitled to Happiness?

For whatever reason, I tend to get a topic stuck in my head and everything that happens for a period of time seems to reiterate that topic again and again. I don't know if that is just me and my one-track-minded self, or if others experience that same phenomenon.

So, last week I wrote about my experience in Primary and the curse of entitlement that is controlling much of our current and future generations' thoughts and actions. Yet again today, the senior primary kids showed me just how prevalent this curse is becoming. I also was able to see in my own life how I'm just as guilty as they are, and how important it is for me to be living my very best so that I can be more receptive to the Spirit and know what is most important to teach them.

I had prepared for singing time today by practicing some fun pioneer primary songs on the guitar. The junior primary did great and had a fun time singing and learning the songs. They seem to respond well to changes of pace that keep their short attention spans interested for longer.

Senior primary was shaping up to be a good experience as well, but they were a bit more obnoxious about the fun songs than the younger kids. It quickly got to the point where I knew that continuing on with the singing time as planned was not going to be an effective teaching tool. The kids were more interested in goofing off with their friends and classmates and being disrespectful of my time than really getting anything out of the experience.

I had a scripture come to mind that I shared with them. Alma 41:10 states that, "wickedness never was happiness." I embarked on a discussion of this verse, the history behind it and what it means for each of us today. We talked about how wickedness is not just the really bad people or really bad things we can do, but that it is anything that drives away the Spirit and prevents us from being truly happy. We talked about how our example affects others, especially how our bad example and poor choices can affect the Spirit's ability to influence others around us.

We also spent a little time talking about the first part of verse 10 where the wicked cannot be restored to a state of happiness in the resurrection. Our choices, even the small white lies or the occasional moments of irreverence, can lead us to not being able to be as receptive to the Holy Ghost; and thus will ultimately keep us from experiencing the kind of happiness that is beyond description.

Satan's efforts to fill our lives with counterfeit happinesses are so precise and so abundant that being able to tell the difference between excitement and joy is growing harder and harder to do. We are becoming so accustomed to the constancy of the counterfeits that we've started lowering our standards as to what we'll accept as a good time. I know. I'm definitely one who likes to not have to put too much effort into having a good time, even if that means putting up with some of the junk that gets woven into generally decent entertainment. The problem is that I know some of these things are stealing away my desires to put effort into the things that bring the most happiness. I truly believe that one of Satan's ultimate goals is to create enough distractions of innumerable variety that, by the time we realize what has happened, we've occupied our entire existence with things that have simply pacified and lulled us away into carnal security.

In other words, Satan is doing his best to convince us that we are entitled to happiness; and the worst part is that his version of happiness is one that will ultimately lead to our eternal misery. 1 Nephi 2:25 states that, "men are that they might have joy (emphasis added)." Joy of the nature and magnitude which the Lord describes is a possibility, not a right. We are invited to use our agency to discover that joy, but it can only be obtained through the pattern that God has shown.

It is my hope that you and I can fight through the mess of Satan's counterfeit happiness and secure for ourselves and our children a death grip on the joy set aside for the saints. And I mean death grip; for if we aren't willing to sacrifice everything, even our own lives if necessary, to find and hold onto that joy, then we'll be selling our inheritance for nothing more than a "mess of pottage."

The Curse of Entitlement

The Curse of Entitlement

It's been quite a little while since I wrote last, and that post was not even my own writing. Being busy tends to be something that makes putting off what's most important that much easier. And not that I rank blogging as part of the "most important" group. It simply tends to be one of the many things that takes lower priority when life gets hectic.

So, what I really wanted to write about actually happened last Sunday while I was helping out in the junior primary during sharing time. As could be expected, the kids were all restless and hungry (having church during the lunch hour makes for many a hungry child… and adult). I was substituting for the chorister who was out sick, which I didn't mind at all. I thoroughly enjoy being with the kids.

One young boy in the older class of kids was being particularly rowdy and despondent to calls to reverence. After I got through with the singing time I stole back to his class and sat next to him and his friends. By this time he was actually laying on the floor and aimlessly kicking the chairs in front of him. So, I thought I would distract him a little and see if I couldn't rationalize him into even mild obedience.

I quietly started talking to him and asking him different questions that would hopefully play into my master plan. He was taken a little by surprise at first, probably since most adults that talk to him are more interested in his immediate silence and conformity than what he likes to do. He seemed to enjoy the unique nature of our conversation and obliged me with meaningful responses.

I eventually was able to ask him why he wasn't paying attention to the different lessons and activities during sharing time. His answer prompted deep reflection on my part and has inspired this post. He said that he didn't like to pay attention or participate in the activities because, "Church isn't fun." I probably should have expected such an answer from him, or any other kid for that matter, and not thought anything of it. Instead, after asking him a little more about what he meant, I got the deep impression that he had no motivation to expect anything else out of life than fun. If it wasn't fun, why would anyone want to do it?

As I thought about what he said I realized that his attitude is a classic example of what is wrong with how we view life and what our way of life has come to instill in us. From 6 year-olds all the way up to retirees, this attitude of being entitled to nothing but fun and ease is rotting away the foundation of critical, time-honored values. Values like gaining enjoyment from an honest day's work, or working hard for anything of real value, are eroding away with the onslaught of marketing messages claiming that happiness and enjoyment are found in the purchasing of goods and services meant to make our lives easier and more fun.

I know that I'm not a unique or solitary voice in proclaiming these woes, but there still seems to be so little happening to remedy the situation. That's because we are a society of consumers, ever convinced that happiness is just one purchase away. Our government is keenly aware of this, evidenced by President Bush's comments after the World Trade Center bombings that we should go on and live as normally as possible, going to movies and doing all the things that make America great.

Understand that I am definitely not against fun or entertainment in any way. We all need opportunities to relax and unwind. But when our lives are consumed by those things, then we've gone way past what fun and entertainment were intended for.

So, what are the possible remedies? Well, that is something that I will be addressing in the next couple of posts. Suffice it to say, for now, that we need to be focused on the why so much more than ever before, because that is what must be driving every last decision we make. It is key to our success in life and the hereafter. How we teach the why to our kids will be the ultimate test of our resolve in living the why.