Down on the Upside

Down on the Upside

I've been stuck not knowing how to describe how I've been feeling as of late, so I thought I would steal the title of Soundgarden's final studio album as my closest approximation. Besides the fact that I enjoy much of Soundgarden's musical repertoire, "down on the upside" is where I hope I've come to in this current phase of my life.

My apologies if this sounds depressing or out of character to some. All of us go through waves of good times and bad. I just happen to be a little more of a music geek, making it quite second nature for me to interject various song titles and/or lyrics as descriptions of my state-of-being.

So, for the very few of you that actually read my blog (hooray for Kristen and Jenny!), here's what I mean by down on the upside. I'm hoping that I've finally reached the bottom of my most recent frustrations with myself and life, and that I'm now looking upside the next climb in front of me. It's better to be at the bottom of the hill and looking up than still near the halfway point of a painful fall.

My apologies for that slightly melodramatic explanation.

In all seriousness, I'm frustrated by my own hypocrisy right now. Being your own worst enemy becomes very tiresome and laborious. I look back at my first few posts—filled mostly with insight, hope and purpose—and shudder to think that I'm so not that person right now. I tend to be skilled at summarizing truths within a fairly interesting point of view, but I'm terrible at putting my money where my mouth is. I really hate being a "do as I say, not as I do," kind of guy.

I sincerely appreciate the words of advice and encouragement that I've received from several of you about my post Stuck in Limbo, and Not Alone. Kudos to Jenny for winning the home-cooked, gourmet meal made by me award. Too bad you live in Cedar City. :) But I think that I'm going to reach out to you faithful few readers again and beg your thoughts on how you brush yourselves off after a painful fall. I won't promise another meal, though. My food budget is already shot after trying to feed my monster-of-a-15-month-old son.

Please - I'm tired of being a hypocrite.

The Strait and Narrow Path

The Strait and Narrow Path

I mentioned briefly in my last post the differences in the paths that are followed when striving to live the restored gospel. Some experience great joy and draw ever nearer to Christ in thought, word and deed. Others, though apparently striving along the same path, experience frustration, doubt and fear in greater measure than the happiness promised to those sincerely doing all they can.

So what makes the difference? Is the path they are trying to walk somehow not the same path?

No, and yes.

The plan of happiness, or plan of salvation for God's children, is chronicled throughout scripture in abundant detail. Modern prophecy and revelation have sharpened our understanding of the plan and painted a lush and vibrant picture of the pathway to eternal life. The detail and variety described in the restored gospel lends itself to being understood by every personality type and personal perspective known to man. The simplicity and straitness of the way as taught in scripture are meant to guide us through our lives toward the promise of eternal life and exaltation in the highest degree of celestial glory.

As in all things, the key difference in how we each follow the path, in either joy or frustration, depends upon our personal agency and perspective. Heavenly Father desires each of us to come unto him through his Son, but he cannot and will not force us to do so. He will even go so far as to grant unto men according to their desires, so that he may righteously and fairly judge us based upon our own choices and the condition of our hearts. This is important to note when we look closer at the way of the strait and narrow path.

The strait and narrow path is what is most often referred to in the Church as the way by which we are to return to live with Father and Son in glory and eternal joy. The many likenesses and metaphors used to describe the strait and narrow path lend themselves to a strict and unyielding course we are to follow if we desire to reach a glorious end. The scriptures are quick to mention that many will fall away because of the straitness/strictness of the way, warning us that we must stay within the bounds that the Lord has set or suffer the consequences.

Such language is meant to inspire humility, obedience and determination to endure to the end and get the most we possibly can out of the experience. However, just as common a reaction to the vastness of the requirements is feeling overwhelmed and even depressed—definitely not feelings that are heavenly inspired. What doesn't help much is the frequent experience of gospel instruction that emphasizes the dogmatism of the strait and narrow instead of the delights of discipleship. Such instruction is generally not intended to be such, but walking the fine line between conformity and charity is not an easy task.

I believe that much of the difficulty in bridging the gap between frustration and joy in walking the strait and narrow lies in how that path is viewed. That is what I meant in that the path is both the same path for everyone, and yet the path is simultaneously different. It's all a matter of perspective. I've put together 2 illustrations that depict what I think the main difference of perspective regarding the strait and narrow looks like, in the hopes of shedding new light on the path.

As far as I can remember during my formative years , the way in which the strait and narrow path was described was something like the diagram on the right. The little separations in the line represent a sort of step-by-step process of obedience and ordinances. Personal transgressions create tangents in the line, and repentance brings you back to where the tangent took place; and in some cases further back on the path than where you left (depending upon the transgression). The path is marked by prophetic counsel and sacred scripture (the word of God/iron rod). The end goal is celestial glory and perfection. The atonement makes getting back on and staying on the path possible, while personal efforts (agency) are what determine the outcome. There are many more details that could be used to describe the nuances of the path, but I believe that this description is generally accurate and something we can all identify with.

So, what's the problem with this depiction? Doctrinally this is correct as it relates to the basics of what we must do to inherit celestial glory. But, though correct, I do not believe it to be complete. The first issue that stands out with this diagram is that the path of progression appears to be linear and predictable. The fact that there are prescribed milestones in the path is sure, but is there only one right sequence in which me must reach these milestones? No.

What I mean is that each of us have specific strengths and weaknesses that factor into how and when we reach specific levels (if you will) of spirituality and conversion. We must meet certain requirements to be baptized, receive other ordinances and make specific covenants, but we are not required to all be on the same level of understanding, humility, kindness, patience, testimony, etc to be considered sufficiently worthy to receive them. As long as we meet the base requirements and are judged as worthy to receive by the Lord's anointed servants, then we are permitted onward.

The key in my stating this is to show that a linear path is not as complete in showing the way as something more true to the nature of God. As we read, His course is "one eternal round," and His purposes are eternal. Though the end result of living according to the gospel law is celestial rest, that is not the ultimate goal. Our Savior, perfect Exemplar and Master is the central point of the gospel. Through Him we will be made whole (perfect), and it is His image that we must strive to have reflected in our countenances. If Jesus Christ is the true center of our striving to follow the strait and narrow path, then the path takes a different view altogether.

The words strait and narrow are interchangeably defined in the dictionary. Tight, constricted, rigid and confined are all used multiple times to better define these two terms. Taken out of context, it is easy to see how these can be discouraging to would-be followers. Yet, though meant to weed out those unwilling to bend their will to God's, it is not meant to discourage or alienate the willing disciple. Looking further at the definitions of strait and narrow in context with the ultimate goal of becoming like our Savior, the words focused, true, singular and targeted emerge as viable similes. Let me paint a picture using the spiral diagram shown.

Each of us begin walking the strait and narrow path quite some distance away from our target of becoming like Jesus, but the longer we walk in faith the closer we get to the target. Put differently, Christ is not just a destination – He is the focus. He is the center, the culmination, the zenith of the gospel plan, both in doctrine and example. It is His image we strive to have in our countenances. We cannot become such a being without truly knowing the Master inside and out. As you look at the spiral you can see that, though still very much narrow, it circles around and around the focal point, bringing the follower ever closer to the center from every possible angle. True disciples of the Master will not only strive to know His doctrine, but they will seek to incorporate every last aspect of His life into theirs.

The possible comparisons and doctrinal parallels with this spiral view of the path are nearly endless. The one point that I believe is the strongest qualifier of such a visual is that of how the differences in the path provide such differing views of the end goal – and those who journey with us. A linear path typically does not afford as detailed a view of the goal as does a circular path around the goal. A linear path also does not provide as much interaction with the sphere of influence of both the goal and those striving along the same as does a circular path.

In other words, with Christ being the center and the ultimate goal, each of us will begin to take on the traits and abilities of the Savior the longer we remain in the strait and narrow path. Those characteristics are enhanced by the light of Christ and made even brighter by the Holy Ghost. Our own striving to live like Christ expands His light and influence, providing beacons of light and hope to others, no matter their position on the path.

Becoming like Christ in the strait and narrow also has the effect of enlarging our hearts and capacity for kindness and love. A natural by-product of the path should be a reaching outward to others because of the joy we feel in the process of becoming. As I have stated in previous posts, the entire focus of the Church, the family and the gospel plan is to seal the family of God together in eternal bonds. These bonds are not meant to just be priesthood bonds, but bonds of love, joy and deep cherishing of the relationships we have formed.

Walking the linear path does not afford such influence and emphasizes more the individual efforts needed for salvation rather than expanding those into the becoming like the Savior and one with all around us. The spiral path requires, as does the true purpose of the gospel, that we share our lives, our hopes, our dreams, our insecurities and our fears with those closest to us. In this sharing of our lives we find the greatest joy and love, because doing so is also our greatest act of selflessness. On the flip side, if we withhold our true selves from those around us, no matter how flawed and goofy we are, that is the greatest act of selfishness we can commit in this life. Eventually, all things shall be made known upon the roof tops, and the secrets of our lives will be shouted out for all to see and hear. How much better will it be if those closest to us already know about these things and can love and support us through even the most difficult and vulnerable of personal tragedies!

I wish to close this post with a thought about the life of Christ and how He did exactly that with His life that I just mentioned. Children have a natural aversion to strangers and seek shelter in the protection of their parents. The light and countenance of the Savior was such that children—and adults—flocked to Him. Some came seeking miracles, others came with questions. But the children came because of the love and joy that radiated from Jesus' countenance. He shared His table with disciples AND with sinners. He shared not only His teachings but His entire being with all who sought Him. His very presence inspired peace, love, joy and unity. The greatest miracle Jesus performed outside of the atonement was the miracle of His example. He is the Master. He is the focus. It is His will that ours is to bend to meet. That is why I believe that the strait and narrow is bent around He who is the center of all things.

Be Ye Therefore Perfect

Be Ye Therefore Perfect

“Be ye therefore perfect…” (Matt. 5:48; 3 Ne. 12:48) Nothing tends to intimidate members of the Church more than these words, especially since they are repeated in every major canon of scripture except the Pearl of Great Price. In fact, many scriptures in this same vein of scope and directness do a most effective job of putting the fear of God into the saints—in one way or another.

And well they should… the scriptures that is. History has proven time and again that, unless the word is strict and immovable, men will distort or simply ignore lesser counsel. The plainness of the word of God as found in scripture, both ancient and modern, is already prostituted far too often—even in its current purity and strength.

So, why does it sound like I’m adding to the already bleak picture that many tend to paint for themselves through the gospel lens? Because, like so many, I have spent much of my life struggling to conform and comply with the apparent rigidity of gospel doctrine and law. In those struggles I have found both great blessings and immense frustration; blessings on the one hand because the “Lord [is] bound when [we] do what [he] say[s]” (D&C 82:10), and frustration on the other because of the weakness of my flesh and the fiery darts of the adversary.

It is this frustration that so easily gets carried away into depression and despair over the straitness of the way. Satan is brilliant when it comes to straining doctrine into dogma, commandments into constrictions and discipline into dictatorship. He does so through his own whisperings, telling us that the way is too hard and that our efforts will never be enough, and many other subtle, nearly undetectable lies. It is this frustration that I would like to address by providing some possible insights into the command to be perfect.

The Savior’s command to his disciples as referenced in Matthew 5:48 to be perfect has been discussed many times throughout the history of the restored Church. The point most often made when analyzing this verse comes when the Matthew reference is compared to the Savior's reiteration of the same to the Nephites after His resurrection. The notable difference is that the pre-resurrected Lord refers to being perfect “even as your Father which is in Heaven is perfect,” while the post-resurrected Lord includes Himself along with His Father when referring to the perfect example to follow. This important difference sheds critical light onto the meaning of perfection intended by the Savior.

Jesus Christ was, is, and will ever be the only man never to commit sin. If it were not so then he could not have performed the atonement, and we would be lost forever. The distinction I wish to make is that, though sinless, the Master did not refer to himself as perfect until after his atoning sacrifice, death and resurrection. This is because sinlessness does not equal perfection. I repeat – sinlessness does not equal perfection. It is an essential part of perfection, but it does not signify the whole of what perfection is meant to be. That is where so many good people of the church begin to miss the mark as they equate the two as being the same. That is also where much of the frustration with ourselves under the seeming tyranny of perfection/sinlessness is fostered.

Let’s break this down a little further to help clarify some important points.

1. Every child of Heavenly Father has need of the atonement of Jesus Christ to be cleansed from sin to have opportunity to inherit exaltation. As we read in both the Book of Mormon and the D&C, “…the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance;” (Alma 45:16; D&C 1:31) for “no unclean thing can enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Alma 11:37) Thus the supernal need for Jesus Christ and his atonement.
2. The definition of perfect in the dictionary is broad and very insightful. Exactness is a main theme in the definitions provided, but completeness and wholeness are just as equally cited in defining perfection. When the command to be perfect is understood in light of these defining terms, combined with the insight found in the pre and post-resurrected Lord's exhortation to be perfect, a more perfect (ha ha) picture emerges. Perfection as it relates to our lives is an eventual state of wholeness or completion. Jesus, though sinless in mortality, was not perfect until he had reached the consummation of his purpose and done “all that he was commanded to do.” That incredible, unfathomable burden of atoning for all mankind was something that Jesus had to do to fully come to know each of us personally. That is what makes him the only One who can be both advocate and judge, because He has become one with each of us. For us to become perfect we need to become like Jesus, in that our perfection is not complete with sinlessness alone but with the consummation of our earthly missions. We must not only strive for being purified and clean but doing all with our lives that the Father intended, which is not something that can be done alone.
3. The atonement was both all-encompassing and completely individualized. We must accept Jesus as our personal Savior, and yet He is not our savior alone. He saved us all—every last soul that chose to keep their first estate. The atonement was not meant to work in the silo of our own lives but as part of the great plan of happiness for all of God's children together—unified, sealed, one. You and I cannot pay for each other’s sins, but we can, and must become saviors on mount Zion by sharing the gospel through the way we live our lives, through our testimonies and our love. We can only become like Jesus insofar as we give of ourselves to others, for Father didn’t just plan on saving individuals; His plan was for his family. We can only be made truly perfect when our lives, our hearts and our souls are knit together as one with each other. This essential truth is reiterated as we look into the mirrors on opposite sides of the altars of the temple. We can see forever into our past and future. Our hearts and the hearts of those on both sides of the veil must be turned to each other. We cannot be saved without our family—Father’s family—those long since past and those yet to come.
4. It can be easy to get discouraged when thinking that, since perfection is more than just keeping the commandments and becoming clean from sin, we can only fulfill the measure of our creation and our individual missions if we live some ideal, nearly impossible life path without straying therefrom in the least. Satan strives to enslave us under the tyranny of what we should have done better, or what we could be like now if only we had followed some different path. It is true that blessings once lost cannot be regained by doing over something we might have done better. But dwelling on such mistakes or reacting out of fear in similar future instances is not ordained of God. Such self-doubt and fear is contrary to the Father’s plan of individual agency. Is there an ideal way to live? Sure. Does that mean that not following some pre-determined, paint-by-the-numbers way to live ideal voids us of eternal happiness and reward? NO! Agency, both our own and that of others often makes following a prescribed ideal impossible and even unwise. The key is not the dogmatic following of some check-listed, step-by-step life pattern, but the continuous bending of our will to God’s and becoming like He who has saved us all. The condition of our hearts is the ultimate deciding factor—something that is infinitely more merciful, and yet not something that is part of an easy, carnally influenced life course. Alma 5:14 and many other verses in that chapter refer to the condition of our hearts as the measuring rod of our perfection. Faith, repentance, obedience and enduring to the end are musts, but marking these off of some sort of requirements list while not having our hearts filled with charity for our fellow men will not gain us the kind of heavenly reward we hope for. In summary, the Lord knows our hearts and will judge us according to what we have become, not merely by the order in which we have done things.
5. Perfection is a joyful process, one that is best understood and enjoyed through vision that is focused on Jesus Christ and love for all around us. Everything we experience, be it difficult or pleasant, is meant for our good. As long as our eyes are single to God’s glory, our vision will be bright with hope, our hearts full of love and our countenances full of light. Constancy in such joy is the hardest choice we make on a daily basis, because Satan’s ultimate goal is to ruin hope and joy. Sin kills joy, proving “wickedness never was happiness.” Frustration also kills joy, but frustration is more a product of choice rather than circumstance. The more we strive to live the gospel in joy and love the harder things will seem – for a while. As we navigate the strait and narrow path, we come to see more and more that the way is not a direct linear path before us, but rather one eternal round centered on the Savior and his life. The longer we walk the path in joy and love the more like the Savior we become. If we are walking the gospel path and not experiencing joy then we are not walking the right path.

There is a lot more that I could say about these concepts, but this post is already much too long for a traditional blog. So I will stop here. Suffice it to say that I have felt very impressed by the pattern of perfection that the Savior has left for us to follow. Though the way may contain many trials and sorrows, the path itself is one of true joy. That joy cannot be achieved by walking the path alone, but by sharing our lives with our family and friends. They are the source of true joy, for with them we are able to practice living as the Savior lived, and thus hopefully become even as He is.